Waking Up Me!

I can't stop crying. My heart is broken, and I can't catch my breath. I keep feeling like I am going to throw up and then I start sobbing. My dear SAM, my Josephy, is "no longer with us". That's what the email from his mom said. I don't want to believe it's true. I look at all these little pieces and think that it can't really be true. She doesn't call him Joe. Only I did. I can't breathe. I keep sucking in air, but it feels like not enough. I don't want it to be true. I lost it in front of the kids. When I first read the note from his mother...just the heading put me on edge and I didn't want to read it because I didn't want it to be real. I closed myself in the bathroom and sat against the wall and just cried and wailed. Noah came in to check on me. After I got it together, I went out to my chair to read the note again. To look on the internet for any information. Nothing. And then the tears came again. Gabby came over and...