Marry Me! And no, I am not proposing to you. Once, many moons ago, I did propose to a man. As it turned out, I married him, too, but that was many break-ups and reconciliations later and NEVER have I had a real proposal. What do I consider to be a real proposal? One that includes true love, a ring, and an offer of marriage. I used to think the ring wasn't all that important. In many ways, I still agree with that. To me, it's more the symbol of the unity--the unbroken circle of the ring--and the fact that this man has chosen that particular ring for the woman he wants to marry with only her in mind. It signifies their union and beginning.
I have been asked to marry 4 men--all linked to military service. The first time, I was asked was by a man named Kevin. He was in the Navy, we'd gone to the same high school, and we shared a group of friends. He told me he had his grandmother's ring in a box and would marry me right now. Mind you, I'd not even kissed the guy nor was I planning to do so, yet he was ready to marry me--technically. The next time was during Aircrew School in Pensacola, FL. I was out in back of the school with Steve near the sand volleyball courts. Steve was from IL and was a TAR (Training Administration of the Reserve-the active duty guy on reserve ships and shore installations) and if we were married, we'd get additional benefits. It would be a marriage of convenience. I explained to Steve that while his offer was great (he was HOT after all), I was planning to marry for love and not money. The third and fourth offers came at a cowboy bar in San Diego at another base. Rob, a Yeoman with my squadron and the roommate to my boy BFF, Russ, was telling Pepe (my future husband) that he was stupid not to marry me and I was such a catch. I was looking smuggly at Pepe when Rob got down on one knee, took my hand in his and asked me to marry him. He told me that he would cherish me always. I thought Pepe was going to beat his @ss! I explained to Rob that while I was flattered, I had to decline. Rob got up and left, but looking back his was the most sincere offer I have gotten to date. Then, Pepe attempted the same thing. I told him "HELL NO!" I was not going to finally be proposed to by him under duress because someone else wanted to shame him into it.
I never got a ring from Pepe. We were married with the rings I bought when we were at 'A' school where we met after I'd first proposed to him, in a letter I handed him on watch. He lost that ring 3 weeks after we were married following a detachment to Fallon, NV (another story for another time). We had other wedding bands throughout the years, but he never bought me a diamond ring/engagement ring. He always said he wanted to, but never did. It hurt me very much. He'd save for or use his bonuses on a gun or a scope or something else he desired, but never do the same to buy me the ring he always said I deserved. I am not a material girl by any means, but I do believe that a ring signifies true and serious intention on the part of the person proposing marriage as well as the person to whom you are married (in this case, for nearly 15 years).
When I went to see my pastor in May, 2009 about my marriage and the possibility of divorce, he asked me why I was not wearing a ring. I explained that I had never been given one. He asked me if I wanted one. I explained I did and that Pepe was aware of this and we had discussed it. It was one of the many revelations and epiphanies had in his office. Things that spoke to how my husband was a lot of talk, but no action. His words did not match his actions. In the end, it was not as much about the ring as it was about his priorities and the importance or lack thereof. He chose himself over me over and over again. Marriage is a place of self-sacrifice. To die to ourselves. To compromise on the things that mean less to achieve what means more. I've learned a lot since that day nearly nine years ago now as I sat with my pastor. Some of it about me. Some of it about Pep. Lots of it about relationships, love, and trust. The next proposal I get, I know will be just as God intends it to be when He brings the husband whose heart has been formed from His just as He has formed mine for my husband in Him.
I have been asked to marry 4 men--all linked to military service. The first time, I was asked was by a man named Kevin. He was in the Navy, we'd gone to the same high school, and we shared a group of friends. He told me he had his grandmother's ring in a box and would marry me right now. Mind you, I'd not even kissed the guy nor was I planning to do so, yet he was ready to marry me--technically. The next time was during Aircrew School in Pensacola, FL. I was out in back of the school with Steve near the sand volleyball courts. Steve was from IL and was a TAR (Training Administration of the Reserve-the active duty guy on reserve ships and shore installations) and if we were married, we'd get additional benefits. It would be a marriage of convenience. I explained to Steve that while his offer was great (he was HOT after all), I was planning to marry for love and not money. The third and fourth offers came at a cowboy bar in San Diego at another base. Rob, a Yeoman with my squadron and the roommate to my boy BFF, Russ, was telling Pepe (my future husband) that he was stupid not to marry me and I was such a catch. I was looking smuggly at Pepe when Rob got down on one knee, took my hand in his and asked me to marry him. He told me that he would cherish me always. I thought Pepe was going to beat his @ss! I explained to Rob that while I was flattered, I had to decline. Rob got up and left, but looking back his was the most sincere offer I have gotten to date. Then, Pepe attempted the same thing. I told him "HELL NO!" I was not going to finally be proposed to by him under duress because someone else wanted to shame him into it.
I never got a ring from Pepe. We were married with the rings I bought when we were at 'A' school where we met after I'd first proposed to him, in a letter I handed him on watch. He lost that ring 3 weeks after we were married following a detachment to Fallon, NV (another story for another time). We had other wedding bands throughout the years, but he never bought me a diamond ring/engagement ring. He always said he wanted to, but never did. It hurt me very much. He'd save for or use his bonuses on a gun or a scope or something else he desired, but never do the same to buy me the ring he always said I deserved. I am not a material girl by any means, but I do believe that a ring signifies true and serious intention on the part of the person proposing marriage as well as the person to whom you are married (in this case, for nearly 15 years).
When I went to see my pastor in May, 2009 about my marriage and the possibility of divorce, he asked me why I was not wearing a ring. I explained that I had never been given one. He asked me if I wanted one. I explained I did and that Pepe was aware of this and we had discussed it. It was one of the many revelations and epiphanies had in his office. Things that spoke to how my husband was a lot of talk, but no action. His words did not match his actions. In the end, it was not as much about the ring as it was about his priorities and the importance or lack thereof. He chose himself over me over and over again. Marriage is a place of self-sacrifice. To die to ourselves. To compromise on the things that mean less to achieve what means more. I've learned a lot since that day nearly nine years ago now as I sat with my pastor. Some of it about me. Some of it about Pep. Lots of it about relationships, love, and trust. The next proposal I get, I know will be just as God intends it to be when He brings the husband whose heart has been formed from His just as He has formed mine for my husband in Him.
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