On June 12, I accepted a new position at work. I received the offer on the 11th, told my leadership team about it before I left for Chicago and then emailed the whole team after signing the papers on the 12th while I was traveling so they didn't hear it from someone else. Yesterday was my three year anniversary in my role and at this company. In 2007, I left a role with a company I spent the first 9 years of my IT career. Since then, I haven't stayed anywhere three years. I am a builder. I love to and have great skill in building teams because I can see the potential in people. I am an intuitive so I can see the whole picture given all the parts and pieces. I know how to assemble it. Mind you, I don't like puzzles or Lego's or that kind of building, though, I did like Lincoln Logs back in the day, but I love building something bigger than myself and making it better than when I got there. When you do that, it makes saying goodbye all the harder.
This week, V has been struggling with my departure and it was still two weeks out when the week began. We had a hard talk on Monday and I reminded him I was moving up 5 floors, not leaving altogether. This change wasn't about him and while I know it is affecting him and me and others, it's what I need to do in order to set them and myself up for success. When the building is done and the chaos is settled, it's time for someone new to come in and take it to the next step. I don't love maintenance mode in business, but there are people who do and are really good at it. I love challenges, change, and a little bit of chaos. I want to come in and find people who have amazing skills and strengths and help them to capitalize on them. To help them minimize the things that detract from their strengths and move them into a place within themselves and within the team where they can be of the most value and find success. I pour myself into them. I invest in their future and help them figure out where they want to go and how to get there. Investing in people is the best investment we can make because it pays dividends like nothing else.
Our words have power. This power can lift people up or tear them down. When I was young, I didn't understand this power. I didn't have the introspection yet to sit and figure out why it hurt when those things were said to me even, how could I know what they meant to another. With age, wisdom does come. So does self-reflection if we let it. Part of being self-aware is taking the time to sit in the feelings and inspect the whys and hows of them. That will allow us to understand ourselves and others better. It will also enable us to manage ourselves better rather than react in times of stress. It will help us to process what saying goodbye means to us and why we're having the reactions we are.
This year alone, I have said goodbye many times. First to JM who was my friend and my lover. Now, he is neither. I miss him and that is my reality. I miss our long talks. I miss sharing my excitement. I miss having the hard talks and the easy ones. I miss laughing with him and watching TV. I miss trying new things together and how he wanted to share his favorite things with me, but also his heart and his hurts. I miss being his friend and helping him walk through life. I miss the opportunity to show him what it's like to be loved by Jesus and how it's that one thing that changes everything else. I'm sad that he wasn't with me when I said goodbye to Lenny in March and my grandma in April. When Griff and Cow died (I know they're just hamsters, but I loved them still!). And now, I say goodbye to a team I built. A structure I put in place. People I care about and invested in. Lives I made a difference in because people let me into their lives. Saying goodbye is hard. Even when it's for the right reasons. Even when you know what's on the other side. Even when you know God is good and so are His plans for your life and that of those He loves (which is all of us, btw). I know this won't be my last goodbye, but I continue to see the beauty in the present and the future in view of the path I've come through that brought me to the end of these current ones and is directing me onto a new path.
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