Waking Up Me!

The mustard seed is a tiny seed that when planted becomes a large bush. Jesus said to the disciples, "... if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matt 17:20, ESV). This was something I was praying about earlier this week for JM whose faith is struggling. As I was taking my babygirl to a friend's house to night and holding back my own tears, half-listening to the radio as I sat at a light, I hea rd the D J at the local radio station, 95. 5 T he Fis h, say, "faith like a mustard seed..." and then played these two songs below back to back. Kutless, "What Faith Can Do" Francesca Battistelli - Giants Fall As I drove up the street after dropping my daughter off, I had this crazy peace come over me as I knew God was telling me that He has this in His hands. He was telling me to not lose hope. To keep the faith. That He is the...

Yeah. It's true. I am a rebel...without a cause. Just a stubbornness and "me-do" attitude because why would God be able to handle me better than me?! Just because he created me? Has a plan to prosper and not to harm me? Knitted me in my mother's womb? Knows me better than I know me?! Come on! P-lease! Yeah. That's the attitude that has gotten me here. Where is here? Here is the place where I feel doomed to be once again because I can't  won't really  let go and let God do his thing in my life. I am SO afraid that he won't show up to get me through it and I  can't  won't deal with the disappointment from him that I have had with everyone else I ever trusted before. I  can't  won't allow that vulnerability. I hate saying can't. That's why I replace it with the truth of the matter. It's not that I can't, it's that I won't. Fear keeps me from it.  I am afraid of the letdown. What if I lay it all on the line and t...