Waking Up Me!

This year hasn't been the best. It's honestly been a bit of a struggle. In January, JM broke up with me and not only broke off our romantic relationship, but dropped off the face of the earth as my friend too. The later hurting me more than the former since I valued him as a friend. In February, Lenny, my stepdad started to lose his faculties and we knew that death was nearer than it had been any time before he'd originally entered hospice in July last year. The two weeks preceding his death were some of the hardest of my life as I watched him struggle to let go of his life on this side of heaven. He passed away March 10. I walked into the room to see him as my mom prepared us a meal. He'd breathed his last from the time that she left the room to let me in and me walking in to see him. It was the first time I'd been with someone who'd died. My cat, Princess, who still lived with my ex died next. My daughter called me sobbing and needing comfort. I told her about...

In 2017, I was asked by a pastor-friend if I wanted to be part of a group praying through the #MyOneWord method and seeing what God had for us during that year. My dear friend, Jerri Kelley , has shared her stories of the Word God has given to her in the past and the amazing way in which is unfolds as He weaves this Word into your heart and life. As I went through the exercises for this, I ended up crossing off Hope, Faithfulness, Healer, Dauntless, and ended up with LOVED. The next part of the exercise was to find a verse that spoke of that to you. I ended up finding 18 that resonated with me containing LOVED in them and then four that rose to the top: “...I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.” (‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭31:3‬) We love because he first loved us . ( 1 John 4:19 ) In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. ( 1 John 4:10 ) but God shows his ...

As I sought prayer last week as we interceded for JM as he struggled with some c hanges that were affecting h is futu re and truth be told, mine , I had two of my aunts and my girl KB all come back and assure me with Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Three is always significant. I wasn't sure just w hat to do with this. Was this for him? Me? Both of us ? I think last night God helped me see what He meant in this.   Lean not on your own understand ing... When I was lying down to go to sleep last night and wrest ling with this, I rea lized that we think it's our heart that is broken. That it isn't capable of love. But what is truly broken is our ability to trust. To trust ou rselves. To t rust our hearts. To trust God and God with our hearts. When I was trying to figure out if I had mis taken what God was doing with ...