As I sought prayer last week as we interceded for JM as he struggled with some changes that were affecting his future and truth be told, mine, I had two of my aunts and my girl KB all come back and assure me with Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Three is always significant. I wasn't sure just what to do with this. Was this for him? Me? Both of us? I think last night God helped me see what He meant in this.
Lean not on your own understanding...
When I was lying down to go to sleep last night and wrestling with this, I realized that we think it's our heart that is broken. That it isn't capable of love. But what is truly broken is our ability to trust. To trust ourselves. To trust our hearts. To trust God and God with our hearts. When I was trying to figure out if I had mistaken what God was doing with JM in my life, I asked Him if my heart wasn't to be trusted. If I had made a mistake in believing this was who God had intended for me or was I leaning on my own understanding of this and not His. Was He mad at me (yes, I am still that little girl who doesn't want to disappoint her Daddy)? He confirmed that night that I had not missed it, that He was not mad at me, that He loved me. That I could trust what I believed and to keep seeking Him. The next day of prayer, He delivered against a big prayer for JM and I thought that meant He was going to work everything out. And He did, but just for the rest of JM's current contract--still a blessing. Still showing His love and provision. God's plans to bring about His purposes don't [ever? usually?] look the way we think they should, but He still does what is best and right for us--even when we can't yet see that for ourselves.
In all your ways acknowledge Him...
Then, on the third day of prayer, I knew God wasn't going to answer as I had hoped to keep JM in OH, but still I fought for him, for us, and for a future JM couldn't see unless it looked different than it was going to. Still, I had peace. I also had a struggle going on within myself where I wanted to manipulate the situation and throw myself into it making promises that would leave me with less than. I confessed that to my friend, Jennifer. I have done that before and the only person who gets hurt is me. It was freeing to be able to admit that was how I was feeling and then to release my way and concede to what God is doing. To Trust in Him. I stopped trying to do it my way. If I was going to trust and preach to JM to trust God with this, with him, with our hearts, I had to be all in, too. At the end of the night, I again went to God (feeling a little like Gideon, I admit), and asked again (because my ask before had a lot of questions in it) if JM was who He had for me. And once again, He confirmed it.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart...
While the circumstances we now find ourselves in don't look like either of us had hoped it would, I still have His peace which surpasses all understanding--and certainly my own understanding at this point--I still trust Him with all my heart. This morning in my devotional All Things New, Jesus says to Peter, "You don't realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." (John 13:7). The author goes on to say, "There is a definite mystery to the workings of God in our lives. We can't always see what he is doing or why. Like Peter, we blurt out to our Lord what we think out to happen. At times we rush ahead presuming we know what's best. Instead he calls us to just trust his plan. He invites us to wait and learn later what we can't understand now." God uses the time of waiting for what He has for us to grow us. To shape us. To draw is to Him with lovingkindness. He doesn't want us to be left where we are and as we are. His love for us is too great for that.
And he will make your paths straight...
When I first woke this morning, my reminder for Jesus Calling was on my iPhone screen. As I opened it up to see what God had for me today, the opening lines made me shake my head and chuckle, "I WANT YOU TO BE ALL MINE. I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone--not in other people, not in circumstances." How many times already has He reminded me NOT to focus on the circumstances, but on Him. I am regularly reminded of what I said to JM Thursday morning on the phone because I know now that I was telling myself this as well, 'Don't be like Peter who gets out of the boat with full faith in the Lord, his eyes set firmly on Him as he, too, walks on the water only to get distracted by the storm and winds [our circumstances] swirling all around him and finds out that he is now drowning and calling out to the Lord to save him. Jesus reaches out to him (probably shaking his head) and reminds Peter who He is and the storm is nothing when you are with Him, in Him.' I know that like Peter, I too will lose sight of all of this which is why I write it down for you and for me to remember. God's got this and all I need to do is keep my eyes on Him, stay in His Truth, keep trusting His plan even when my circumstances say I shouldn't.
Lean not on your own understanding...
When I was lying down to go to sleep last night and wrestling with this, I realized that we think it's our heart that is broken. That it isn't capable of love. But what is truly broken is our ability to trust. To trust ourselves. To trust our hearts. To trust God and God with our hearts. When I was trying to figure out if I had mistaken what God was doing with JM in my life, I asked Him if my heart wasn't to be trusted. If I had made a mistake in believing this was who God had intended for me or was I leaning on my own understanding of this and not His. Was He mad at me (yes, I am still that little girl who doesn't want to disappoint her Daddy)? He confirmed that night that I had not missed it, that He was not mad at me, that He loved me. That I could trust what I believed and to keep seeking Him. The next day of prayer, He delivered against a big prayer for JM and I thought that meant He was going to work everything out. And He did, but just for the rest of JM's current contract--still a blessing. Still showing His love and provision. God's plans to bring about His purposes don't [ever? usually?] look the way we think they should, but He still does what is best and right for us--even when we can't yet see that for ourselves.
In all your ways acknowledge Him...
Then, on the third day of prayer, I knew God wasn't going to answer as I had hoped to keep JM in OH, but still I fought for him, for us, and for a future JM couldn't see unless it looked different than it was going to. Still, I had peace. I also had a struggle going on within myself where I wanted to manipulate the situation and throw myself into it making promises that would leave me with less than. I confessed that to my friend, Jennifer. I have done that before and the only person who gets hurt is me. It was freeing to be able to admit that was how I was feeling and then to release my way and concede to what God is doing. To Trust in Him. I stopped trying to do it my way. If I was going to trust and preach to JM to trust God with this, with him, with our hearts, I had to be all in, too. At the end of the night, I again went to God (feeling a little like Gideon, I admit), and asked again (because my ask before had a lot of questions in it) if JM was who He had for me. And once again, He confirmed it.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart...
While the circumstances we now find ourselves in don't look like either of us had hoped it would, I still have His peace which surpasses all understanding--and certainly my own understanding at this point--I still trust Him with all my heart. This morning in my devotional All Things New, Jesus says to Peter, "You don't realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." (John 13:7). The author goes on to say, "There is a definite mystery to the workings of God in our lives. We can't always see what he is doing or why. Like Peter, we blurt out to our Lord what we think out to happen. At times we rush ahead presuming we know what's best. Instead he calls us to just trust his plan. He invites us to wait and learn later what we can't understand now." God uses the time of waiting for what He has for us to grow us. To shape us. To draw is to Him with lovingkindness. He doesn't want us to be left where we are and as we are. His love for us is too great for that.
And he will make your paths straight...
When I first woke this morning, my reminder for Jesus Calling was on my iPhone screen. As I opened it up to see what God had for me today, the opening lines made me shake my head and chuckle, "I WANT YOU TO BE ALL MINE. I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone--not in other people, not in circumstances." How many times already has He reminded me NOT to focus on the circumstances, but on Him. I am regularly reminded of what I said to JM Thursday morning on the phone because I know now that I was telling myself this as well, 'Don't be like Peter who gets out of the boat with full faith in the Lord, his eyes set firmly on Him as he, too, walks on the water only to get distracted by the storm and winds [our circumstances] swirling all around him and finds out that he is now drowning and calling out to the Lord to save him. Jesus reaches out to him (probably shaking his head) and reminds Peter who He is and the storm is nothing when you are with Him, in Him.' I know that like Peter, I too will lose sight of all of this which is why I write it down for you and for me to remember. God's got this and all I need to do is keep my eyes on Him, stay in His Truth, keep trusting His plan even when my circumstances say I shouldn't.
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