Do you ever just take a minute to look at the things around you and see the joy in them? Sometimes life gets in the way of enjoying those simple pleasures. We get so focused on what's going on or what's not right or what is still to do that we forget to see what's right in front of us. While I love Saturdays because I am off work and don't have to worry about working the next day, I have come to realize that I love Sundays.
Sunday night used to be so daunting for me because it meant going back to work; starting a whole new week of so many things yet to be done. Now, instead of letting what's to come inhibit my joy, I embrace what is in this moment. Right now, I am listening to the sounds of the computer game my daughter is playing. I love seeing her bouncy curls at the back of her head. There is nothing better than hearing, "Mommy, I looovvee yoouu!" And I love her, too! I love that my children can express so easily their love and other emotions for me and about themselves.
Yesterday, we went to my aunt and uncle's for Christmas dinner. My Aunt Mary comes into the kitchen where I am standing and says, "Did you hear that Jason died?" Are you effin kidding me?! I thought she was talking about my cousin Jason and I thought I was going to fall apart right there. She explains that it's my Aunt Sibyl's nephew Jason they're referring to. My Uncle Matt was the one dispatched to the call who found the body. He's a paramedic. Jason and his sister Jodie were part of my growing up life. Matt and Sibyl are like second parents to me. Matt is my godfather, too. We were always with them and my mom is still best of friends with the two of them. As they shared pictures of his artwork and the memorial service and the person I never had known Jason to have become, the tears began to flow.
Life is simply too short. We don't know how long we have here or with anyone who comes into our lives. I suppose that's why it's so important to embrace and live in these moments. After Christmas brunch at my mom's house, I was talking to her about a conversation I had with someone who had hurt me with what they'd said to me. That person thought that since they'd hurt me twice by walking out of my life, that we should not talk anymore so that he wouldn't hurt me again. I explained that if I stopped talking to everyone who'd hurt me in life, I would have a very lonely life. I choose to put myself out there. I choose to love deeply, laugh loudly and to live in each moment as it is presented to me. It is because of that choice that I am often hurt because I am always all in.
Am I more cautious now? Yes. Do I love less or give less of myself because of that? No, but I do give it more slowly and with my eyes open and my mind more questioning of why I want to do this and what I think it really is. I try to be real with myself and to see things for what they are rather than to allow my thoughts to generate feelings. I fall in love easily when I have a connection with someone. I love the simple things in life: the sound of rain on the roof, sunshine and blue skies, the sound of waves crashing on the shore, laughter and I love yous. May we each find the simple joy in this life and embrace it for what it is in each moment...