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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Women & Men

Sometimes a woman needs a man who is a brother friend more than she needs a romantic attachment. She needs someone who is strong enough to say to her, "Say baby, the way you acted the other night, that's not right, or that wasn't the swiftest thing you could do." At the same time she needs him to be strong enough to say, "Hey baby that was so brilliant, I am so proud of you, you were wonderful!"
- Maya Angelou

That's the kind of men we women need in our lives. The ones who love us enough to tell us the honest truth. A bonus of men friends is that they are honest, direct and don't add all the fluff stuff. That doesn't mean that they can't love us enough to be soft, kind and gentle with us and our hearts, it just means that they aren't going to feed us a load of shit while they do it. At least not the men who we WANT and NEED in our lives won't. If you have a guy like that in your life, count yourself blessed. I know I do. My Chris talks truth to me and fact when no one else does or did and always just when I need it. He's the guy pal I seek out when things get tough.

At the end of 2008 when I was struggling with whether or not to leave my now ex-husband, he spoke these truths to me in the form of questions I needed to ask myself:

1. If it weren't for the kids, would you stay?
2. If this were your best girlfriend going through this, what advice would you give her?
3. Why do you feel the need to always take responsibility for everything? When are you going to realize that you're not the problem and you can't be the solution to his?

When I answered those questions with my truths, I knew what I needed to do. Still, I stayed. I still felt responsible for the happiness of my children and couldn't yet break up our family. It really was a blessing that something else occurred and allowed me to set myself free; to allow myself happiness and freedom of spirit again.

I was watching "Dexter" (Season 5, episode 11) today and one of the characters, Joseph Quinn ("Quinn"), tells his partner, Debra Morgan ("Debra"), the following after telling her he loves her and he can't help but feel that way:

Quinn: There are not many women like you. I know that. You're more...like...a guy.

Debra: A guy?.

Quinn: You don't play games where I have to figure out what you're really saying; you just say it. Usually with a lot of really filthy words I've never heard before. You're the first one who's really called me on my bullshit; made me take a hard look at myself. It's made me a better person, I think. I just don't want to lose you, that's all.

My guy friend is like that. He'll call me on my "bullshit" and "[make] me take a hard look at myself." I have a passionately filthy potty-mouth myself and am very direct. I totally relate to Debra. She's a "guy's girl". The kind that you can just be you in front of and not worry about all the other BS. I hope my guy friends and the men who have loved me in my past and found me "unforgettable" found me so because I am unique in the kind of woman I am. To me, some of the people who have touched me the most--in a way that has influenced me and helped me to become the woman I am--have been men. I know I feel blessed to have had and to currently have such wonderful and amazing men in my life.

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