Skip to main content

I'm Still Here, Head Over Heels

My son had been asking me what had happened to some of the DVDs we used to watch. I got most of the DVDs in the divorce. Somehow, though, a few that we loved didn't make the journey or must have been tossed out somewhere along the way. Last week, I found a few of the ones he'd been asking me for and ordered them. The first one arrived today and my little guy was so excited. I was supposed to be watching Glee with my daughter, but I had already watched it so I slunk quietly off and joined my boy in my room to watch Treasure Planet. I still love that movie and the main character Jim's theme song by the Goo Goo Dolls called, I'm Still Here. The song and Jim reminded me of my SAM. Sometimes we have to go far away to find something that has been right here all the time.



I pulled out the one and only thing I have from my SAM, a card he'd left me soon after we started talking. As I took out the lavender envelope and read the funny things on the outside, a smile spread across my face and warmed me from the inside. I took out the card which is still so familiar to me. I read it all over again. The first time I had read it, there was a quote inside that I knew was from something--after all, it was in quotes--but I had forgotten to look it up. It was months later, after my SAM was already overseas before I realized what it was from. And when I figured it out, my heart melted and my eyes filled with tears. Happy tears. It was a quote from this song, Head Over Heels, by my favorite band, Rascal Flatts. Proof that he was paying attention and not just asking me questions without reason.



xoxox, SAM! Be safe. Be well. I love you!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Join the Navy, See the World!

There are things we want in life and make happen, but they don't always happen as we'd planned or imagined. My dad had gone to Ohio University in Athens, OH on a wrestling scholarship. I, too, wanted to go to OU, but since he'd dropped out and it had a reputation as a huge party school, it was going to be a tough sell. So, I did my homework and sell I did. At the time (1990), OU was one of the top 10 colleges for Communications in the U.S. That was the degree I wanted and I wanted to go to OU to get my degree. I graduated early and during the time between my acceptance to OU and the College of Communications and pre-college, I had become further enamored with marine life and sharks specifically and wanted to change my major to Marine Biology which at OU was actually a Zoology degree. The girl tried to talk me out of changing my major because it was so hard to get into the College of Communication and if I left, I would have to reapply and hope for the best in my junior year...

Sometimes, Reality is Worse

What if I told you that Joseph/SAM was created to hurt me? Made up to be everything I'd ever want and more? What if I told you everything I believed and knew him to be was an enormous hoax? All because someone wanted to give me what she felt I had given her. All that she felt I had taken from her. I have to admit that while people have hurt me before with their actions and decisions it has been for their own personal and selfish reasons. Usually not with malicious intent.  There has to be a lot of pain and hurt within a person to invest so much into the creation of a fictional character. Someone who would really take the time to know me. Someone who would enlist others to make the ruse real. To call me on the phone, to send me cards from the web, to pick out a card and leave it at a bar where the bartender who gave it to me told me how cute my guy was, to create a Facebook account with pictures and friends, to bring an ex-wife into the mix, pictures from the desert and your trave...

A Mother's Love

A mother's love is not a perfect love, but it is her best. It is all that she has in that moment that she shares it with you. Growing up, I didn't understand that. I didn't see that. I saw only the things it was not; the things I wanted it to be and that it fell short of. Expectations can steal your joy if you let them. They blind you. They keep you from realizing what you have been given because you become so focused on what you wanted to be given. There is joy to be had in what you get if you just give yourself eyes to see it. Now, I see my mother's love--in it's imperfection--and feel blessed through it just the same. Yesterday was Mother's Day and I spent the day with my mom. As we were leaving my house to go to church, she asked me if I got the e-card she sent me. No, I hadn't. She then remembered that she must not have sent me one. Oh well, she said. My other two sisters live out of state and she sent them both e-cards, but then got caught up in some...