Jumping in the Deep End

Well, yeah, I can swim so it's not such a big deal, but the water's cold and the jump is from a high tower...or something like that. It's a leap of faith.

So, newsflash: I am gonna date. For realz. I am doing it. Not just willy nilly and hear and there. I am putting myself out there and seeing what's up and who's out there and I am going to chalk each new person up as a new opportunity to learn about myself and someone else.

A friend encouraged me to activate my account again on POF.com and get serious. So, I did. And at first I was getting the same play as always where it's about sex or chatting and never actually meeting. Neither of which is what I am looking for. I have lots of friends and it's always nice to meet new people, but if you forgot your balls or never learned what they were for, let's not waste each others time. While I would be happy to conduct training on what they are and how to use them or let you borrow mine, I'm really not in the mood for training. I am more in the mood for someone who already is confident enough in who he is and knows what he wants. I need that kind of stability in a partner...even if it's just for one date.

A couple of nights ago as I was getting ready for bed, a reminder flashed through my head. And this time it meant something to me. This time I actually believed that I am worth anything it took to be with me. MW told me in our shared journal that what she wants for me is a man who would do anything to see me and meet me and be with me. The kind that didn't let excuses get in the way of letting his actions match his words. And truly, there will always be excuses. Then, my boss told me the same thing on Friday when he and I were having a candid conversation in my office. He told me that there will be a guy who would move here or do whatever it took to be with me. And, for once, I believe they're right. When that voice in my head said with such resounding surety that the one who is right for me WILL cross the ocean for me over hot coals if he has to, I KNOW I am worth all that and the bag of chips!

And isn't it funny that once you believe that, people start to show up. People who have their balls, know how to use them, and aren't afraid to make the first step. This is what my boss refers to as QC- quiet confidence--and I love that. A man who knows who he is and what he wants and that sometimes you have to jump in the deep end to see what you're really made of. So, I needed a little push, but that's typical for me. I like the deep end. It's where the big fish swim!

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