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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Ready to Love Again

I don't know if you've heard this song by Lady Antebellum before, but when I did I related perfectly. Just as the first few chords of the song start to play, I am already smiling because I know what's coming. It's like a freedom song for me. From the opening verse of this song, I related all too well:

"Seems like I was walking in the wrong direction
I barely recognize my own reflection,
Not scared of love but scared of life alone"

I was walking through my former life on auto-pilot. Miserable and limited only by my own inaction and defeat. I hated who I had allowed myself to become--the woman I didn't know looking back at me in that mirror. Now, when I look at the reflection in the mirror, I like what and who I see looking back at me. I have been down this road before. In July 2001, I looked in that mirror after my then-husband told me he didn't love me anymore and realized I didn't love me anymore either. When he left me the following year on Easter weekend, my world crumbled all around me. In hindsight, I should have let him go for good then. I really didn't want to be with him, but he made a decision I wasn't ready for yet. I remember my mom asking me if I really wanted him back because I wasn't really happy with him to begin with and she knew it was his leaving that made me want him back. At the time, I wasn't ready to admit that.

The next verse in the song is:
"Seems I've been playing on the safe side baby
Building walls around my heart to save me,
Oh, but it's time for me to let it go"

In January 2008, my beloved grampy passed away. That was the beginning of the end of my marriage. I remember being in the car with my mom and telling her that with him gone, there was no other man who REALLY loved me. I went on to say that it made me sad to say that especially since I was married to someone who should. If his words were matched by his actions, it would have been enough. As my heart broke with that realization, I also started to hear the truth being spoken to me. I had learned to believe what I had heard so many times: that no one else could ever love someone like me. I was too difficult--independent, opinionated, direct, driven, outspoken. Only HE could ever love someone like me. I had let that be my truth too long! Then, someone came and spoke a new truth to me.

The next verse in the song is:
"Just when we think that love will never find you
You runaway but still it's right behind you, oh
It's just something that you can't control"

My best guy pal from the Navy returned to my life. He was getting ready to deploy to Iraq with his Army unit and found me on Together We Served. He told me that he had always loved me and still did. So, the old truth was broken by a new truth. I could be loved by someone else. Love had found me. And while I loved and will always have a place in my heart for that person and consider them to be one of my forever friends, his brokenness is something I cannot fix for him. I pray that someday he will find his way, though.

The next verse is:
"So come and find me
I'll be waiting up for you
I'll be holding out for you tonight"

In September of this year, I was finally ready to love again; open to the possibility and healthy enough emotionally to give and receive it. Then, in no time flat, there was a guy, a special someone, who popped unexpectedly into my life. From our first verbal interplay, we clicked. And now, he is the lucky recipient of all I have to give, as long as he wants to receive it. It was because of him that I have now been quoted as saying: "I'd rather be open to the hurt [referring to if things don't turn out as one would desire] and find something amazing than to find out I missed something because I was too afraid to fall!"

The chorus of Ready to Love Again is:
"Yeah, I'm ready to feel now
No longer am I afraid of the fall down
It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready to love again"

Be FEARLESS! Love again. Tell the people you love that you do. Each moment is precious in this life!

And the final verse of the song says:
"It must be time to move on now
Without the fear of how it might end
I guess I'm ready, I'm ready to love again"

So, I say: I have no fear of how things may end. I still believe...

2 comments:

  1. I can't believe you posted about this song...a few months back I burned 3 cds...a before, during, and after...for someone...I'm not even sure if they still have em. That song was on #3...lol.

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  2. Haha! That is song #1 on the playlist I made for this period in my life and for my someone. It's #3 on the original one I made, though, that is on a CD in my car's player.

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