I get it! I really do. Sometimes life is tough. Sometimes it's not fair. Sometimes things happen that knock your feet right out from under you. In the end, though, whatever happens next is a choice. You can choose to let your circumstances defeat you or allow them to have power over you, or you can choose to move forward and choose an attitude that sets a new tone for your moment, your day, your life.
I have this friend who has been going through a tough time. He divorced 5 years ago and still has issues with his now-remarried ex-wife. His girlfriend of a year and a half who he was in love with dumped him in May. He works in a factory, hates his job and thinks he has no skills to do anything else. Any of those things alone can be tough to deal with, let alone having them come at you all at once. At first, I was understanding and could appreciate his feeling sad and out of sorts. Now, a month after I first met him and only 3 weeks into chatting with him EVERY DAY, I AM DONE!
Really. I am. I went off on a mini-rant to one of my girlfriends yesterday about it. After two days of listening to him be angry and twisted up all over again, I was done being nice and sweet and understanding. SERIOUSLY, it's been 5 months. She doesn't want you and you still hold on to her. You have her friended on Facebook, you still go out with her and her pics are EVERYWHERE. LET IT GO! So, last night, I hit my limit. I was tired of the whining and listening to him play the victim. He asked me why he couldn't let this go. And I told him: You can't let it go because our thoughts create our feelings. If you continue to allow her to have that power in your life, it's on you--you are creating your own nightmare. He tells me he sees that could be the problem and he's putting away all her pictures.
Right as I am about to go to bed, he starts chatting with me again. He CAN'T (I am not a big believer in can't; to me, "can't" = "won't"...it's a choice!) delete her on Facebook as a friend and can't delete the pictures of her. So, I am DONE with this discussion now. Here comes the no-holds-barred me. The one he hasn't seen much of yet because I was being kind and gentle with him. I don't believe in coddling and I don't believe that if you ask me a question, you want me to lie to you. So, here it is, the truth.
My truth to him:
2. Pull up your big-boy pants and stop letting yourself go down this path. She doesn't want you and you need to realize that.
3. If she changes her mind in the future, that is a choice SHE needs to make and at that time you can decide if you still want her. Until then, LET HER GO!
In the end, he did it. He deleted her from Facebook as a friend and once again he is smiling and happy. He says that tonight he'll delete all of her pictures as well. If it were me, I'd have done it all at once...like taking a band-aid off--once and done--but maybe that's just me! I've helped him get to the happy place before, but now it's about sustaining. So, that's my current piece of advice to him: stay the course! There will be ups and downs, but choose your attitude. It's all a choice and it's YOUR choice. Once you make it--whatever it is--no one else can be responsible for it but you. Take responsibility for you. OWN YOUR CHOICES...CREATE YOUR LIFE!