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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Theories on Dating

Are you a single woman? If so, read on!

I have a friend who is very insightful regarding dating. She's been married for 15 years, but has seen lots of others fumble their way through marriage and dating as well as her own experiences in each. She and her dad have theories regarding this dating conundrum.

My friend's theory is called "Pile of Losers":
"Women sift through the pile looking for those men whose traits are least offensive. (Ex. He scratches himself, but doesn't drink)."

Her dad's theory is what he calls "Funnelology" which has similar results:
1. "Women funnel men into semi-civilized humans. Most men have a lot of trouble exiting the funnel."
2. "Women carry their funnels of all shapes and sizes and sift through the pile to see which one will fit."

My theory is simple, we're all looking for someone who "fits". Fits our life. Fits our needs. Fits our expectations. Fits with our friends. Fits into our "perfect life" picture...whatever that is. The challenge becomes our love-blindness. Those things that we know and we see, but choose to look past for whatever our reasons. Sometimes, it's because it falls into the "not important or urgent" quadrant and while it can be irritating or annoying, it's a minor issue. Other times, we see the fit in the other areas that make us happy or satisfy our wants, needs and desires and we downplay the big, glaring red flag in front of our faces. No one is ever going to be perfect. Heck, women, as wonderful as we are, aren't perfect though we may like to think of ourselves as such ;o)

In the end, as we look back at our choices and decisions with hindsight, we can pinpoint those things we knew were a problem from the outset. We can make mental notes of what we want and expect and need and desire. We can tell ourselves all those things we won't do again and don't want again. Yet, we need to continue to decide which of those little voices in the back of our head telling us this or that isn't quite right are the voices that matter in the big scheme of my happiness. What can I accept without settling? Each of us will come up with different answers. We may keep riding the train because we don't know which stop to get off on or where to go next. Sometimes, I wonder if we just try too hard to make someone fit and other times do we throw them out without trying to find out if they do because we're so afraid to trust ourselves or be wrong. I have always learned the best from things I did wrong. I then learn not to do it again. Like teaching a child not to touch a hot stove. That child may need to learn what you mean by doing, rather than by hearing or seeing. I am listening to the voice in my head as I navigate these dating waters, but we're arguing about the specifics.

More to come as things unfold...

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