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Monday, January 31, 2011

Perspective and Peace

Sometimes the peace I seek comes by way of a new perspective--my own or one provided by someone else. The other day, I found peace with where I am in my professional life because of a 3 events that took place during the day. Then, I found peace with my SAM because--wherever he is and whatever he does--I will always carry him with me; he is in those songs, in those words, in those memories that were only ours!

My job no longer defines me. It is a place I go and a thing I do to make money and to add value to an organization that I believe in. I have learned much in my time here and enjoy the people I work with. They are like family to me--even though we may be somewhat dysfunctional in nature as is my real family. Like my real family, they put the FUN in dysFUNctional! No job will ever be perfect and all of them will have challenges, good times and bad times--kind of like a marriage. If another passive opportunity comes my way, I will look at it, but I am not going to actively pursue another job at this time. We'll see what the future holds.

I still think about my SAM every day. He brings a smile to my face mostly. On occasion, I miss him and wish I could still communicate with him. Last night, as I was journaling about him, I decided to go look at our last email. The subject was "This is not good bye, just good luck" and this was the closing statement he made after explaining why our now VERY LONG DISTANCE relationship was going to need to take a step even further back:

I still want to maintain some contact, but I think it's best that I displace myself so that you can move forward...I'll always be an email away...

I just can't do this to you or myself....I'm sorry sweets!!

I don't like that this hasn't been true and he's no longer an email away. I know that it was hard, but it's harder not having him to "talk" to. I have always been one to have male friends from all different aspects of my life. In fact, right now, my first love and I are talking...as FRIENDS. It's different for both of us, but being that he's in LA and I am in OH, it's all we can ever be. He has 3 kids there, I have 3 kids here and they're all around the same ages. So, neither of us is going anywhere. He wouldn't live up north here and there is no way I will live in the Louisiana boonies. No can do! What we are, though, is there for one another and that means a lot. Every girl needs guy friends who can tell you when other guys just aren't worth it--or are, or when our hair color or cut isn't the best or when we're the nicest, sweetest, bestest girl in the world. Cuz what girl doesn't want to believe she is. Hey, even I need to have my ego fed now and again!

As I drove into work today, I was letting the 1 pound "gain" and missing my end of month goal get to me. I then reminded myself that I met all of my goals since I put my consistency plan in place. Last week, I worked out for 5 days with ST and cardio and a sixth day just cardio which meant running for 2 miles in the snow. I tracked my fitness minutes and my food each day. I drank my water and took my vitamins. I did it all right. I know that muscle weighs more than fat. I know that I have definition in my legs and arms that gets better every week. I know that I could feel my ribs right under my skin as I lay in bed this morning. Additionally, I bought a new pair of jeans this weekend that are a size smaller than I have been wearing. The clothes I have are getting bigger. So, I will not let the scale get me down and instead I will focus on the non-scale victories (NSVs) of the week and the ones yet to come! I will fill my mind with the things that matter and not let those things that weigh me down--literally or figuratively--hijack my mood or derail my forward progress.

There are things that I cannot control and things I cannot make better or make go away. For those things that are within my circle of influence, I will do my best...whatever it takes!

3 comments:

  1. Hugs! I so love the place you are in right now. I am so happy for you. As for scales, I don't like them. Like age, they are a number. They don't tell the real story, such as, how YOU feel about yourself and how YOU feel in your clothes. I think you may have hit the point to focus on those things and kick the scale to the side. :-D Love you!

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  2. I put on my black pants today and they are sitting on my hips so the scale can go blow! LOL! I am building muscle and am more fit than I have been in at least 8 years if not all the way back to my Navy days!

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