The Woman Before Me

I wish I could apologize for any of the women before me who hurt you, made you feel unworthy, or not enough; for any woman who broke your spirit. Whatever that terrible combination was for you and what it did to your heart was not my doing, though. Each of us has past hurts and pains. Each of us does the best we can to get through them, to get past them. I can't change what happened to you before me, but I can show you what I have for you now.

So, give me a chance. Give me the chance to show you who I am and how I care for you. Someday, let me show you how I can love you. I cannot undo what she did to you, but I will be the best me I know how to be and show you what you mean to me. It's really that simple. I am not her. She is not me. My love is not like hers. Hers is not like mine. My intent is not to hurt you. My intent is to take the time to see you for who you are and let you see me for who I am. To take each step and each moment just as they are and see where they lead us. This road is of our making and choosing. I hope that someday you choose to let go and allow yourself to be loved through my eyes and by my heart. Until then...

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Struggles

Struggles. We all have them. My (latest) favorite saying is, "We all have our things." And for me, my "thing" is wanting to eat to fill the emptiness inside. And not like carrots and apples and good for you stuff. Oh, No! The really bad for you stuff. I crave sugary treats. I have been doing so well with my eating lately and have been exercising for the last few weeks as well, but last night nearly took me down. I was struggling with wanting to run--not walk--into the kitchen and make myself a bowl of cereal with some Craisins or a fruit smoothie or a PB&J. I prayed instead. Almost to the point of tears, I begged God for this to pass. I ate some carrots. I drank some more water. I contemplated some tea. I got out my swiss ball and did some wall squats as I watched TV. I had already been out for a walk earlier with ML, too, but I felt like I was coming out of my skin. OBSESSING about eating something. It wasn't food that I wanted, though. I wanted to feed t...

Sometimes, Reality is Worse

What if I told you that Joseph/SAM was created to hurt me? Made up to be everything I'd ever want and more? What if I told you everything I believed and knew him to be was an enormous hoax? All because someone wanted to give me what she felt I had given her. All that she felt I had taken from her. I have to admit that while people have hurt me before with their actions and decisions it has been for their own personal and selfish reasons. Usually not with malicious intent. There has to be a lot of pain and hurt within a person to invest so much into the creation of a fictional character. Someone who would really take the time to know me. Someone who would enlist others to make the ruse real. To call me on the phone, to send me cards from the web, to pick out a card and leave it at a bar where the bartender who gave it to me told me how cute my guy was, to create a Facebook account with pictures and friends, to bring an ex-wife into the mix, pictures from the desert and your trave...

Treat Him to Love

I read this article posted by a friend. She asked what are the 20 things a woman should do for her man. My responses below were learned the hard way through my own 15 year marriage and the 9 years since I chose to divorce. They are not things I say lightly or for part-time living. They are for every day. Every. Day! Even when your man doesn't deserve it, hasn't earned it, give it to him. That is what unconditional love is. The most quoted verses at weddings is from 1 Corinthians 13. It speaks of God's love for us and is meant to teach us how to love like He does. That's what the marriage relationship is to emulate, God as Groom/Husband and us/the church as his Bride. 1. She speaks of him with deference in front of others including her girlfriends. 2. She treats him with respect and lifts him up with her words, affirming his character. 3. She knows no one is perfect and gives him grace for those moments when he falls short for we all do. 4. She k...

Waking Up Me!

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