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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Settlin'

I won't compromise when it comes to what I want and what I need! I will not allow the time that has spanned without having love in my life from a partner to cause me to take what's available rather than what I really want. I was starting to talk myself into someone today because he's sweet, kind, funny, good to me, attentive to me, etc. I have talked myself into people before. I talked myself into marrying my ex even when I knew better. I talked myself into staying because I let other people's truths become my own. Just because a man doesn't drink, do drugs, or hit you does not mean you should stay. It does not make him all he's supposed to be as a husband because of what he doesn't do. We are defined more by our actions and those impacts. So, I am taking a stand against myself and saying NO. I will not choose Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Forever. Even if I have to wait a very long time for Mr. Forever. I won't do it again! So, "I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything!" Sugarland tells it like it is.



In Regina Brett's God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life's Little Detours, she tells how she had a child at 21, was a single parent until her daughter turned 18, and didn't marry her forever until she was 40. I suppose that's what she means when she says, "Life isn't fair, but it's still good." When I look at other people around me finding their forever while I don't yet know when mine will come, I feel more alone. I am trying to embrace my moments and my right now and just enjoy them for what they are. I find that I am still challenged because I want so badly to just be loved. It is that need/desire to have that which has led me into very poor choices too many times to count. So, instead, I am choosing to love myself first and the rest will come in time.

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