What a Difference a Year Makes - March
March 2010 and 2011.
Aside from the fact that my hair is longer and dark, the most noticeable change for me is in my waist and face from a physical standpoint. Then, there's the emotional standpoint. There were a lot of things that I still hadn't dealt with nor did I know I needed to at this point. I had just started to regularly exercise and was a month into that and maybe getting my first runs in on the Wii as I got ready for my first 5k which was less than a month away. I have to admit that I am hoping this weather breaks soon so I can start running regularly again. I miss it!! This month, I had a huge epiphany that I am still trying to dig through. I am still hurting from my divorce.
My ex is moving on with his life. He's found love and happiness. While he still texts me because he's feeling bad about what happened, I think he's starting to get that he can't fix the past and has to just keep moving forward. When I called him after having a meltdown a couple of weeks ago and got to express that I was hurt because he got to move on and have love and here I was without it, he explained that he didn't understand why him either after all he had done. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one thinking that way. It's not that I don't want him happy, but I was wondering where the karma was in the world! He also explained that for a while he thought I would change my mind and come back to him once I saw a change in him. Thing is, I was bitten too many times with him and there was nothing left for us as a married couple. Our new path is as friends and parents to our amazing brood! And that is working well for us.
My eyes continue to be opened up to the things that hurt me and keep me from embracing all that I am and all I have to offer. Not just to someone else, but also to myself. For the first time in my adult life, I feel that I have slowed down enough to recognize and enjoy my blessings and the precious moments I am so lucky to have. Last night, my son told me he loved me. I told him I loved him, too. He told me he loved me more and that meant he won. Truth is, it's because of that statement that means I WIN! When I got into bed with my daughter waiting there, she snuggled up to me and laid her head on my chest. With thumb in mouth she said, "You are the best mother effer!" I said, "WHAT?!" She took her thumb out and said, "You are the best mother EVER!" Phew! Doesn't get much better than that! It's good to know I am doing something right!