Wait and See
My mom and I were on the phone yesterday and she told me that while at my house earlier in the day, she read my journal. It was the first journal I had written from back in 1990/91. I started writing in it after I graduated early from high school in January of 1990 and wrote in it up until November 1991 before I got my final details for the Navy. At first, I felt a bit taken back by the fact that she read my journal as I had no idea what all I said in it. Once she told me that it helped her to see me and know me better and in a different way, I let go of my apprehension over it. She explained that she didn't really know me back then and got a peek into my heart and soul. She didn't know that I loved Jesus very much even then. She did know I was lost and wandering, but said she was glad to read about my relationships, friends, and my beautiful heart. It's amazing how our perception of others without taking the time to truly know them can create the wrong picture of who they are. Wait and see.
In my journal, I talked about my broken relationship with my mom and how much I just wanted her to love me. I wanted to have a relationship with her and prayed for it over and over again. As I read my own words, I realized that my prayer had been answered. It didn't happen overnight. It took many years. It took many seasons and changes for me and for my mom in our lives before we came together again. It took years once we started over again when I came home from the Navy fifteen years ago. It took her getting sober seven years ago and me wanting to truly seek a relationship with the Lord alongside her. My ex wasn't ready at the time to be involved in a church, but my mom and I were so we sought one out. We found Bay Presbyterian Church and the moment we sat in our first service, we knew it was the place for us. Wait and see.
In Isaiah 43:18-19, God says:
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.He is always doing His good work in us and through us. We may not see it or feel it as it is coming to be, but if we wait and see what He has for us, trusting that He has the best in store for each of us, we will see it in due time. The only good of looking at the past is to see how far you have come and what God has done so you can be reminded that life is a growth process. We cannot always have the things we want when we want them because we're not ready. And, sometimes, it's not just about us. I know, hard to imagine--our life, not about us?! Thing is that we are interdependent beings. If it has to do with other people, you have to wait on them and not just on yourself. The best part is that God promises to be with us throughout this adventure (Joshua 1:9) to give you His peace which will guard our hearts and minds as we live in Christ (Phil 4:7) and plans that will prosper and not harm you, plans for a hope and a future (Jer 29:11). Wait and see.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.