Skip to main content

Teach Me to Fly


Stepping off the edge is hard for me. It's that unknown. The fear of what happens when I do. I remember being in Aircrew school down in Pensacola, FL and standing at the top of the platform we'd have to jump from, in full gear, and swim underwater 75 m. The point of the exercise is that if our aircraft went down, we may have to swim out of the wreckage, under fuel spills and possibly fire. All I could think as I stood there is that if I didn't make it this first time, I would have to do it again. I hate do-overs! As these thoughts ran through my head and I was telling my instructor some kind of reason why I wasn't jumping, he pushed me. 

 That was the first of 3 times that he would push me into the water during training exercises because I was afraid to jump.I don't know if he did that to everyone or if it was just a special pleasure of his to do to me. The second time was a mock shipboard jump from a pier and the water was infested with jellyfish. I was SO not jumping and told him as much. He pushed me. I got stung and when I removed the tentacle from my arm, I ended up throwing it on a fellow crewman. The instructor said we both died due to our injuries. Nothing like taking people down with you. The third time was during our final exercise where we had to jump from a Zodiac in the middle of the Gulf and be rescued by the Coast Guard Dolphin that would hoist us up and dump us off again. As I stood on the side of the Zodiac waiting for my turn, this HUGE manta ray was swimming by. As I explained to my instructor I would jump after the ray as I had no desire to get impaled...yeah, he pushed me in...again. I came flying up out of the water searching for where that ray had gone, but in seeing me coming, it was outta there. 

 Sometimes, I need a little encouragement to take that first step. A push. A friend told me that I am afraid that God won't catch me. That He's going to let me fall. That He is going to fail me like so many others have. That is not who HE is, though. He is a promise keeper. He is the One who lifts us up above the storm when we grow weary or faint. I am so afraid of what God can do to me, that I don't trust His way and I rely on my own way. Want to know how that has worked for me? Not well. Downright terrible at times. I saw this posted on Facebook earlier in the week and it was so poignant to me. I want Him to teach me to fly. I trust that He WILL catch me.

Then, in the Henry Blackaby study we're doing called, "Experiencing God:", I read this and it resonated with me:
       God’s commands are designed to guide you to life’s best. You will not obey Him, however, if you do not believe Him and trust Him. You will not believe Him if you do not love Him. You cannot love Him unless you know Him. But if you really come to know God as He reveals Himself to you, you will love Him. If you love Him, you will believe and trust Him. If you believe and trust Him, you will obey Him. 
God is love. Because of His love, His will for you is always best. He is all-knowing, so His directions are always right. He has given His commands so you can prosper and live life to its fullest measure. If you love Him, you will obey Him!”
 Know Him-->Love Him-->Believe Him-->Trust Him-->Obey Him

 Right now, I am learning/being taught to Trust Him so that I may Obey Him. Learning to step into my Jordan--whatever or wherever that may be, and trusting not only that He'll catch me, but that He'll teach me to FLY above whatever storms I may encounter. So, Daddy, teach me to soar on wings of eagles...your Beloved daughter
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Struggles

Struggles. We all have them. My (latest) favorite saying is, "We all have our things." And for me, my "thing" is wanting to eat to fill the emptiness inside. And not like carrots and apples and good for you stuff. Oh, No! The really bad for you stuff. I crave sugary treats. I have been doing so well with my eating lately and have been exercising for the last few weeks as well, but last night nearly took me down. I was struggling with wanting to run--not walk--into the kitchen and make myself a bowl of cereal with some Craisins or a fruit smoothie or a PB&J. I prayed instead. Almost to the point of tears, I begged God for this to pass. I ate some carrots. I drank some more water. I contemplated some tea. I got out my swiss ball and did some wall squats as I watched TV. I had already been out for a walk earlier with ML, too, but I felt like I was coming out of my skin. OBSESSING about eating something. It wasn't food that I wanted, though. I wanted to feed t
6 comments
Read more

Sometimes, Reality is Worse

What if I told you that Joseph/SAM was created to hurt me? Made up to be everything I'd ever want and more? What if I told you everything I believed and knew him to be was an enormous hoax? All because someone wanted to give me what she felt I had given her. All that she felt I had taken from her. I have to admit that while people have hurt me before with their actions and decisions it has been for their own personal and selfish reasons. Usually not with malicious intent.  There has to be a lot of pain and hurt within a person to invest so much into the creation of a fictional character. Someone who would really take the time to know me. Someone who would enlist others to make the ruse real. To call me on the phone, to send me cards from the web, to pick out a card and leave it at a bar where the bartender who gave it to me told me how cute my guy was, to create a Facebook account with pictures and friends, to bring an ex-wife into the mix, pictures from the desert and your trave
10 comments
Read more

Join the Navy, See the World!

There are things we want in life and make happen, but they don't always happen as we'd planned or imagined. My dad had gone to Ohio University in Athens, OH on a wrestling scholarship. I, too, wanted to go to OU, but since he'd dropped out and it had a reputation as a huge party school, it was going to be a tough sell. So, I did my homework and sell I did. At the time (1990), OU was one of the top 10 colleges for Communications in the U.S. That was the degree I wanted and I wanted to go to OU to get my degree. I graduated early and during the time between my acceptance to OU and the College of Communications and pre-college, I had become further enamored with marine life and sharks specifically and wanted to change my major to Marine Biology which at OU was actually a Zoology degree. The girl tried to talk me out of changing my major because it was so hard to get into the College of Communication and if I left, I would have to reapply and hope for the best in my junior year
Post a Comment
Read more