Stepping off the edge is hard for me. It's that unknown. The fear of what happens when I do. I remember being in Aircrew school down in Pensacola, FL and standing at the top of the platform we'd have to jump from, in full gear, and swim underwater 75 m. The point of the exercise is that if our aircraft went down, we may have to swim out of the wreckage, under fuel spills and possibly fire. All I could think as I stood there is that if I didn't make it this first time, I would have to do it again. I hate do-overs! As these thoughts ran through my head and I was telling my instructor some kind of reason why I wasn't jumping, he pushed me.
That was the first of 3 times that he would push me into the water during training exercises because I was afraid to jump.I don't know if he did that to everyone or if it was just a special pleasure of his to do to me. The second time was a mock shipboard jump from a pier and the water was infested with jellyfish. I was SO not jumping and told him as much. He pushed me. I got stung and when I removed the tentacle from my arm, I ended up throwing it on a fellow crewman. The instructor said we both died due to our injuries. Nothing like taking people down with you. The third time was during our final exercise where we had to jump from a Zodiac in the middle of the Gulf and be rescued by the Coast Guard Dolphin that would hoist us up and dump us off again. As I stood on the side of the Zodiac waiting for my turn, this HUGE manta ray was swimming by. As I explained to my instructor I would jump after the ray as I had no desire to get impaled...yeah, he pushed me in...again. I came flying up out of the water searching for where that ray had gone, but in seeing me coming, it was outta there.
Sometimes, I need a little encouragement to take that first step. A push. A friend told me that I am afraid that God won't catch me. That He's going to let me fall. That He is going to fail me like so many others have. That is not who HE is, though. He is a promise keeper. He is the One who lifts us up above the storm when we grow weary or faint. I am so afraid of what God can do to me, that I don't trust His way and I rely on my own way. Want to know how that has worked for me? Not well. Downright terrible at times. I saw this posted on Facebook earlier in the week and it was so poignant to me. I want Him to teach me to fly. I trust that He WILL catch me.
Then, in the Henry Blackaby study we're doing called, "Experiencing God:", I read this and it resonated with me:
God’s commands are designed to guide you to life’s best. You will not obey Him, however, if you do not believe Him and trust Him. You will not believe Him if you do not love Him. You cannot love Him unless you know Him. But if you really come to know God as He reveals Himself to you, you will love Him. If you love Him, you will believe and trust Him. If you believe and trust Him, you will obey Him.
God is love. Because of His love, His will for you is always best. He is all-knowing, so His directions are always right. He has given His commands so you can prosper and live life to its fullest measure. If you love Him, you will obey Him!”
Know Him-->Love Him-->Believe Him-->Trust Him-->Obey Him
Right now, I am learning/being taught to Trust Him so that I may Obey Him. Learning to step into my Jordan--whatever or wherever that may be, and trusting not only that He'll catch me, but that He'll teach me to FLY above whatever storms I may encounter. So, Daddy, teach me to soar on wings of eagles...your Beloved daughter