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Contentment

I never would have guessed that I would be writing about contentment when I am in a season where so much is swirling around me as open ended, but that is where I find myself. It's amazing and so different than how I have been in seasons like this previously. I was sharing with a friend today at the #ifconference2018 that it's like standing in the midst of the storm walking on the water, my eyes are firmly planted on Jesus and seeking Him with each next step, but also knowing and feeling the storm and winds and rain lash all around me. The beauty is that I am not concerned enough by the storm to look away from Him. He is all I need. I am realizing that all my needs have been fully met and there is nothing I lack. When I stand firmly rooted in Christ Jesus, it brings total peace.

In a blog post I read earlier this week, the author shared a similar sentiment about looking for a relationship or a person as something that completes us as Jerry Maguire had told his person. She said, “Something I had to learn the hard way is that a relationship with another person—no matter how awesome that person is—will never completely satisfy. It can’t. We have a God-sized hole in our hearts, and it is unfair to expect another human to fill it." Nothing but God fits in that hole. I've tried to fill that hole with booze, sex, food, work, accomplishments, and I am sure there may be more things at different times as well, but those would be the big things I tried to fit in that hole. Now, that hole is filled with what belongs there...God alone. He is the balm to my soul. The salve to my wounds. He has repaired my broken down places and continues to rebuild the temple of my soul. He is the love of my life. The one I have been waiting for. 

While I still look forward to the day when He brings the husband He has for me back to me, I trust Him with all things. Everything. I open my hands to Him and hold nothing back. It's not just a one-time response, though. Fear and doubt niggle into any little fissure or crack. They worm their way into any opening. But God keeps drawing me back to Him and assuring me about who He is and what He has said. He keeps showing me that He with me always. He is in His Word. He is in His people. And His Spirit lives in me. I will continue to find my delight in the one who has my heart and can be trusted with it.
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