Since the terrible phone call and the ending of my latest dating attempt with the guy who will forever be known as DK, I was thinking. My ex always used to say that he got worried anytime I started a conversations with "I was thinking...". And I can understand why he thought that since it usually meant change or work or doing of something for one or both of us. First and foremost, I would have been just as happy to spend time with him as friends. It didn't have to escalate to anything more than that. In fact, even being friends after it escalated would have worked for me.
While I really liked him and enjoyed being with him, I wasn't out of my mind over him. Heck, I think that is one of the things I liked about being with him. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't feeling a deep need to be with him or obsessing over him. I think that was all thanks to SAM and the time that started with him, too. I really was living in the moment. Not getting ahead of myself. Having my eyes wide open to where DK's "stuff" was not ideal for me. For instance, a child living in another state with his baby-mama who is an irrational drama queen is not ideal. DK wants kids. I have kids. I love my kids. I would welcome already existing kids into a relationship. Do I want to have more kids? Probably not. If it was really important to someone I was with, it would be up for discussion, but at my age and this stage in my life (my oldest is 2 1/2 years from college) I don't know that I want to start all over again.
I do miss DK, though. Mostly because I enjoyed spending time with him. He told fun stories. We could talk and laugh together. We got to enjoy having meals together and having coffee in the mornings when he'd stayed overnight. I had someone to watch football with or a movie. On the movie front, our tastes were very different, so it's not such a bad thing to not have to watch things that I don't particularly care to watch. He was a good guy pal and not a bad kisser. In other areas, he'd have required a little training, but I was up for the challenge if we got there. I am a good teacher :) Now, not going to be an issue.
I thought I was gonna be all sad and Debbie Downer over the whole thing, but in the end it's all good still. I wish DK the best as he pursues someone who more matches what he's looking for in life and hopefully lives a little closer than I do. I am enjoying my life just as it is right now. Big John is back in my life and we're just friends for the first time in our lives. My BFF Chris and I had a great chat this morning and I am still happy as ever that he and I have remained friends throughout these tough times. My Navy BFF, Russ, just chatted with me a few days ago and told me that we'll be friends "always forever" which put a big smile on my face especially after he insisted that he loved me more ;)! Ok, you win! :)
I am blessed with wonderful boy friends in my life. I am blessed with wonderful girl friends in my life. I have a loving family, children and ex included in that. And, in time, I know I will be able to say that I have a loving man in my life. Until then, I am enjoying the ride...bumps included!