Skip to main content

Reflections on DK

Since the terrible phone call and the ending of my latest dating attempt with the guy who will forever be known as DK, I was thinking. My ex always used to say that he got worried anytime I started a conversations with "I was thinking...". And I can understand why he thought that since it usually meant change or work or doing of something for one or both of us. First and foremost, I would have been just as happy to spend time with him as friends. It didn't have to escalate to anything more than that. In fact, even being friends after it escalated would have worked for me.

While I really liked him and enjoyed being with him, I wasn't out of my mind over him. Heck, I think that is one of the things I liked about being with him. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't feeling a deep need to be with him or obsessing over him. I think that was all thanks to SAM and the time that started with him, too. I really was living in the moment. Not getting ahead of myself. Having my eyes wide open to where DK's "stuff" was not ideal for me. For instance, a child living in another state with his baby-mama who is an irrational drama queen is not ideal. DK wants kids. I have kids. I love my kids. I would welcome already existing kids into a relationship. Do I want to have more kids? Probably not. If it was really important to someone I was with, it would be up for discussion, but at my age and this stage in my life (my oldest is 2 1/2 years from college) I don't know that I want to start all over again.

I do miss DK, though. Mostly because I enjoyed spending time with him. He told fun stories. We could talk and laugh together. We got to enjoy having meals together and having coffee in the mornings when he'd stayed overnight. I had someone to watch football with or a movie. On the movie front, our tastes were very different, so it's not such a bad thing to not have to watch things that I don't particularly care to watch. He was a good guy pal and not a bad kisser. In other areas, he'd have required a little training, but I was up for the challenge if we got there. I am a good teacher :) Now, not going to be an issue.

I thought I was gonna be all sad and Debbie Downer over the whole thing, but in the end it's all good still. I wish DK the best as he pursues someone who more matches what he's looking for in life and hopefully lives a little closer than I do. I am enjoying my life just as it is right now. Big John is back in my life and we're just friends for the first time in our lives. My BFF Chris and I had a great chat this morning and I am still happy as ever that he and I have remained friends throughout these tough times. My Navy BFF, Russ, just chatted with me a few days ago and told me that we'll be friends "always forever" which put a big smile on my face especially after he insisted that he loved me more ;)! Ok, you win! :)

I am blessed with wonderful boy friends in my life. I am blessed with wonderful girl friends in my life. I have a loving family, children and ex included in that. And, in time, I know I will be able to say that I have a loving man in my life. Until then, I am enjoying the ride...bumps included!

Comments

  1. Good, good AND good! :-) I truly love the place your mind and heart is in right now. Wish I'd had the benefit of your wisdom when I was going through a similar phase in life (no regrets - as we discussed) but it would have been good to have your input way back then (of course, we didn't KNOW each other at that point, but...) :-) Love you! I know you still have those moments where you get the 'why me's' but I think you talk yourself out of them now and get to the ok...why me, because it made me stronger, better, surer. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah...I definitely still have the immediate, emotional, "why does this ALWAYS happen to me" moment (with 'always' not being true, but the thing that I think first). Then, the rational and logical me takes hold after the "poor, poor pitiful me" gets done. I was sure I was gonna cry, but I am so over crying right now. The tears come to my eyes, but they never fall. I think my give-a-damn might be a little broken or worse for wear right now ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. We will have to double check your give-a-damn by going to a sappy movie some time. (I bet you still sob :-D

    I know mine is a little broken and has been for years. It doesn't mean we don't feel the pains, it's just we don't express them with tears as often. But, I really DO hope yours isn't broken for movies. That huge sob at a certain point in the movie (while I laugh) is one of the many things I love about you. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was going to see the new Ashton Kucher movie with one of my girlfriends next Saturday, but I just looked it up and it doesn't start until 1/21. Now, we'll have to figure something else out. Dang it! I hear True Grit is a tear-jerker. Maybe we should check it out! LOL! Probably not her kind of flick, though. Maybe we'll try Country Strong ;)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Join the Navy, See the World!

There are things we want in life and make happen, but they don't always happen as we'd planned or imagined. My dad had gone to Ohio University in Athens, OH on a wrestling scholarship. I, too, wanted to go to OU, but since he'd dropped out and it had a reputation as a huge party school, it was going to be a tough sell. So, I did my homework and sell I did. At the time (1990), OU was one of the top 10 colleges for Communications in the U.S. That was the degree I wanted and I wanted to go to OU to get my degree. I graduated early and during the time between my acceptance to OU and the College of Communications and pre-college, I had become further enamored with marine life and sharks specifically and wanted to change my major to Marine Biology which at OU was actually a Zoology degree. The girl tried to talk me out of changing my major because it was so hard to get into the College of Communication and if I left, I would have to reapply and hope for the best in my junior year

Sometimes, Reality is Worse

What if I told you that Joseph/SAM was created to hurt me? Made up to be everything I'd ever want and more? What if I told you everything I believed and knew him to be was an enormous hoax? All because someone wanted to give me what she felt I had given her. All that she felt I had taken from her. I have to admit that while people have hurt me before with their actions and decisions it has been for their own personal and selfish reasons. Usually not with malicious intent.  There has to be a lot of pain and hurt within a person to invest so much into the creation of a fictional character. Someone who would really take the time to know me. Someone who would enlist others to make the ruse real. To call me on the phone, to send me cards from the web, to pick out a card and leave it at a bar where the bartender who gave it to me told me how cute my guy was, to create a Facebook account with pictures and friends, to bring an ex-wife into the mix, pictures from the desert and your trave

Submitting is all in the Attitude

Sometimes....my head is so full of so much, I don't really know what I am thinking or feeling. I don't take the time to process or dig because sometimes it takes me to a raw place and I am not ready for that. Instead, I just keep moving forward....one foot in front of the other. Right now, I am struggling to stick to this Abs  menu that I have decided to try for the next 28 days along with some friends. It's a lot of veggies and I am more of a fruit girl. I am choosing to stick with it because it's part of my plan to submit to something. Alongside it, I am doing the Made to Crave 21-Day Challenge so my mental state can carry my physical and emotional. This is 28-days out of a lifetime; I can do this. Sometimes, I don't want to. The reality is that it's hard and it's strange and new for my body. I have never done well on low-carb programs. I liken the Abs menus a bit to Atkins where you can eat a TON of high fat and high protein. The difference is that whi